It's hard to be healthy when you struggle with myriad health issues. It's a near-constant game of two steps forward, one step back. If you persevere you WILL get ahead, but it can be very frustrating.
Controlling diabetes can feel like a full-time job. This is not my only problem, but I daresay it's my largest. I've been mum on this blog for quite a while; I was feeling like crap pretty much every day of my life and couldn't get a handle on things. I was convinced I had thyroid problems or lupus or something. Turns out it was simply that my blood sugar was way out of control. My AIC was over 10. (For you non-diabetics, that's pretty bad; target is under 6.) Being in the thick of things, even knowing that tight blood sugar control is essential, it can be very easy to slip up and loosen the reins a bit and still convince yourself you are doing better than you actually are. The numbers don't lie though.
Unfortunately when things get that out of control, it takes awhile to fix it up. It was a slow process of adjusting medications, feeling a little better... better enough to tackle improving my nutrition. Feeling a little bit better still, and finally feeling like I was able to tack on some daily exercise. I got my blood sugar under control, but not without extensive work. So then I wasn't blogging because the majority of my days were spent:
1) planning the food I would eat that day
2) going to the grocery store daily (for fresh foods and also because planning out an entire week was too overwhelming)
3) testing my sugars a million times a day (fasting, before meals, after meals, before and after exercise, before bed, sometimes during the night)
4) writing down everything I was eating, all my sugar readings, all the medications and supplements I took that day, any exercise I did, all my insulin dosages, any health symptoms I had... keeping a log for myself, my doctors, AND my nutritionist (all of whom I've met with multiple times over the past couple months)
5) exercising every day for 30-60 minutes
6) eating on time, cooking healthy meals
7) trying to get enough sleep every night (always a problem for me)
I'm still doing a lot of those things, and by the time I've done that plus the basic daily 'taking care of the kids, pets, and house', it seems every day is completely GONE. No time for extra projects, no time for blogging, no time for my to-do lists. I keep thinking this should all take less time, and yet it never seems to. I'm waiting for some sort of balance to kick in where these things get easier and don't take my entire day... I don't know if that will ever happen, and I don't want this to be my entire life. And yet... if I DON'T do it, I get sicker and sicker until I can't do anything.
Despite my best efforts, the weight is sticking to me like glue. I managed to scrape off about six pounds over the past couple months... then I got hit with the recurring sinus infection from hell (I'm on my third round of antibiotics for it, and I have to go for a CAT scan of my sinuses) and that drops me for a good week every time it comes back. My eating and sleeping get shot to hell again.
That's where I am right now. Coming off the third bout of sinus infection. Feeling better (worried it won't last though), but while I was down I missed some of my medications (and my eating and exercise were shot to hell; I'm afraid to get on the scale right now). So I started one of them back up about a week ago... it's one where I have to gradually scale the dose to my max... and every time I scale up I get sick for a day. Friday night I scaled up for the second time, and yesterday I had a migraine, dizziness, nausea off and on all day. I managed to do OK in the eating department... only to have two swings into the low blood sugar range.
This is where it gets REALLY frustrating, being diabetic and losing weight. The healthier you get, (in general) the less insulin you need. Which means that as your body gets better, you're going to start experiencing low blood sugars. Which you have to live with for a little while until you see a pattern and your doctor has you adjust your medications downward.
Low blood sugar is hell. There are a lot of symptoms; here is what happens to me: I get shaky. My hands tremble uncontrollably and a feeling of panic wells up inside me as my body suddenly becomes extremely weak. I become lightheaded, and often nauseous. All judgment flies out the window and I'm overcome with an overwhelming urge to EAT (to fix the problem). Adrenaline flows through my body, trying to take the place of the glucose, and with a surge of adrenaline comes a lack of reason.
Here's what a diabetic is SUPPOSED to do when experiencing low blood sugar:
1) ingest one carb serving's worth of some sort of sugar. Nothing with fat, it slows the absorption. A half cup of juice, a few glucose tablets - those are your best choices. In a pinch, a half-cup of full sugar soda will do. Or hard candy or marshmallows or something. 15 grams of sugar.
2) Then WAIT. Wait 15 minutes and test your blood sugar again. If it is still low, repeat step one and wait another 15 minutes.
Imagine being hit with a surge of adrenaline, an extreme fight or flight response, and then having to just SIT calmly and wait it out. IT'S REALLY HARD. The effects of the low blood sugar, by the way, continue for about a half hour after your sugar has come back to normal. So even though your body is technically OK, you FEEL like everything is wrong.
Here's what actually happens when a diabetic has low blood sugar:
you just keep eating...
and eating...
and eating...
and eating...
and eating...
and eating.
Finally your body realizes it is OK and you calm the hell down and become rational. Just in time to have your blood sugar SKYROCKET.
Oh, and you also ate your entire week's worth of calories in one sitting.
Going through it once in a day is really hard on your body. Going through it twice in one day? You'll probably be totally wiped out.
So here I am. Low blood sugar twice yesterday, in addition to already being dizzy and nauseous and migrained from my medication adjustment. There was no sleeping last night, despite my best efforts and the fact that I'm pretty exhausted. I just felt too miserable. The room seems to keep spinning even when I close my eyes.
I'm not sure what to do with today now, as it stretches before me. I fear I'm too tired and ill-feeling to accomplish anything worthwhile. This will likely only get worse as the day goes on. However, sleeping during the day will only perpetuate this vicious cycle of insomnia at night.
Add in a healthy dose of anxiety over all the articles I've read in the past year telling me that adequate rest is ESSENTIAL to health and weight loss.
As always, the best course of action is to not give up. To just KEEP TRYING. Even if the pattern is two steps forward, one step back - I'm still getting ahead, it's just much slower than I'd like. As much as it doesn't FEEL like it, low blood sugar is a GOOD sign. It means I'm moving in the right direction. It's a struggle, true; but it's a good fight for a worthwhile cause. I'm fighting for me. I'm fighting for my family. I'm fighting for my life, and for once that's quite literal.
Giving up is not an option, even when it's hard. ESPECIALLY when it's hard.
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