Whattup bitches, I am back! It's been a really strange afternoon of cleaning, being defriended by old friends because I had the nerve to have an opinion, talking about issues all over Facebook (general rule of thumb is that Facebook is for frivolity but sometimes I just can't help getting into a serious discussion, even if it makes me want to slap myself upside the head), and all kinds of crap. Let's get back to THIS important issue... getting healthy!
Step three, connecting to my motivation. Right. We've already established that I am READY. Bring this on.
Step four: identify and overcome obstacles
What are your obstacles?
- I'm worried that I won't be able to do it. It's a huge change and I'm afraid I'll cheat too much and won't make it through.
- I'm worried it's not going to work. I am having so much trouble losing weight and getting off my medications that I'm afraid it just won't happen no matter what I do.
- I'm worried that I'll never be able to get off my diabetes medications.
- I LOVE food. Especially white flour and sugar and dairy. MILK. I drink tons of milk. I'm supposed to cut those things out cold for at least six weeks??
- Pretty sure I'm addicted to sugar. I've made a lot of dietary changes over the past six months so I don't eat nearly as much as I used to, and I don't have cravings like I did, but I think this is still going to be tough.
- We rely on convenience foods a lot. Switching to making food at HOME convenient is going to be difficult.
- We have very busy schedules. We eat out a lot because we get home late, or are running around during mealtimes, and I haven't managed to figure out how to combat that problem even with trying to eat healthier. I'm going to have to do a lot of planning ahead. That hasn't worked in the past and I'm concerned I won't be able to make it work now.
- This isn't really an obstacle because I can still get my hands on a good deal of reasonably healthy foods BUT we don't have any good healthy food stores around us. No Trader Joe's. No Whole Foods. Our grocery stores don't have the best produce departments. Not a lot of locally sourced foods. Even our farmer's market sucks.
- I've tried to lose weight and change my habits since I was a teenager and I've just failed time and time again.
To combat that, focus on what is important to you.
- Feeling well
- Having energy!
- Living a long vibrant life
- Spending more time with my family
- Being more present and ABLE for my kids
- Having another baby
- Working through my bucket list and my million dreams
- Starting the Not House / Spookytown
- Getting my sex drive back!!
- Doing cross fit!
- Being proud of the way I look
- Traveling
- Writing
- Finally getting organized
- Doing fun things like Color Runs! And Triathlons! Warrior Dashes! Zombie Runs! Maybe even a marathon one day...
- Fit comfortably on roller coasters and amusement park rides. Not have to worry about being too fat or too heavy.
- SURVIVE THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!
What are the top three things you do that hold you back from your health and weight loss goals?
- Continuing to eat processed, poor-quality, sugary, white flour foods.
- Not getting enough sleep.
- Not getting enough exercise.
What are the top three emotions or mental habits that keep you from your health and weight loss goals?
- I worry so much that I'm not taking adequate care of my family that I fall apart sometimes and just give up in the food prep / making department.
- I get bogged down with anxiety and sometimes even depression.
- I don't know how to juggle everything and I struggle with putting myself first.
How would you be different without that baggage?
I'd be freeeee, free as a bird! Honestly I can't even comprehend the idea of being free of all that. If I changed the first three things I know I'd feel much better. I don't really understand how to change the emotional habits. I guess that's why I go to therapy. I really do think I'd feel more confident, more capable, happier, more alive. Freer, more able to make my own decisions and to make good choices in my life... things that would make me AND my family happy.
Are you really too busy to change your habits and life?
Once upon a time I thought so. Then I got so sick (this year) that I could barely get anything done most days. I know now that if I don't MAKE the time to change my habits and my life, it won't matter because I'll either be too sick to do anything else OR I'll be dead. My health has to be my number one priority. I still struggle and I still have a lot of days where nothing else gets done but I do my best to make peace with them because I'm doing things for ME and if I don't, it won't matter anyway. Doesn't matter if you did the laundry instead of exercising if you die of a heart attack the next day.
What are some behaviors, habits, and relationships you could choose to engage in that would give you energy and mental, spiritual, and physical health?
Oh gosh. Making better food choices. Exercising every day. Getting enough sleep at night. Engaging with my family fully every day. Guided meditations for stress relief. Walking with friends and family. Spending time with friends that have similar goals to mine, friends that have lifestyles like the one I aim to achieve.
What motivates you in life? What makes you want to wake up each morning? What is your life's purpose?
I listed some of that above in the 'what is important to you' section. My family. Taking care of kids. I'd like to foster kids one day. Helping people. Starting
Spookytown / the Not House.
How does being overweight or ill diminish or detract from your life's purpose?
I can't do it. Plain and simple. I'm so tired or feel so terrible that I can't seem to get anything done. Some days I don't even have the energy to engage with MY kids, my family. Some days it's all I can do to just take CARE of them. It's not any kind of life.
How would following this program and getting well allow you to fulfill your life's purpose more effectively?
I dimly remember a time in my life when I had a lot of energy. I used to do all kinds of things. I was busy all the time. And I LIKED it. I miss feeling that way. I miss filling my time with activities, experiences, joy, love, jobs well done. If following this program actually made me well again, actually gave me energy and helped me feel like a healthy 33 year old SHOULD feel? I'd be so happy I would probably cry. I could get SO MUCH MORE done each day. I can barely comprehend it.
Step five: identify your health and weight loss goals
My Health Goals
What physical or health problems do I want to heal from and how will I achieve that?
- diabetes
- anxiety / depression
- chronic bronchitis / COPD
- GERD / hiatal hernia / loads of fairly regular stomach problems
- chronic fatigue
- lack of energy
- insomnia / poor sleep
- chronic itchy hives on hands and feet
- high cholesterol
- fatty liver
- chronic sinusitis
I'm hoping I will achieve that by following this program, continuing to eat healthy, losing weight, exercising more.
What is my relationship to food and how do I want to nourish myself?
Food is comfort. Or rather, food has been comfort for much of my life. I've been growing away from that for several years now, slowly, and working towards 'food is fuel'. Food is also enjoyment, companionship, a bonding experience. Food is love, something to make and share with friends and family.
I want to nourish myself by serving the best quality foods possible. I want to work towards local fare, healthy meats and produce, minimally processed. I want healthy foods that taste good. I want to share delicious, life giving meals with friends and family. I want us all to be healthy and to know that the foods we eat play a significant part in that, and that 'healthy' food is also delicious food.
What is my relationship with my body and exercise? How can I change that?
Exercise is more of a struggle as I've gotten older, especially with the diabetes, because I have to be mindful of low blood sugar. Also it's harder for me to jump right into more demanding activities than it used to be. I have found a lot of forms of exercise that I like though. I sometimes have trouble making the time to exercise because I let other things get in the way. Lately I have trouble exercising with regularity because I don't always feel very good. Sometimes I let that be an excuse too. I can change that by making firm commitments to myself and sticking to them.
Do I prioritize quality sleep? What will I do to get enough sleep and recharge my body daily?
Sleep is hard for me. I LOVE sleep, don't get me wrong. I have been a 'night person' my entire life. I love being awake at night, I love sleeping late in the mornings. I enjoy the night and the dark. It has always felt natural to me to be more of a 'third shift' kind of person. I've struggled with the fact that most of the world doesn't operate like this for YEARS. My children are young and I have to go through school with them all over again now. I hate to accept it but I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I might just have to work like hell to change this late night habit and become more of a morning person.
This year I've had a lot of trouble with insomnia. Even though I've always been a night person, I never used to have trouble falling asleep once I went to bed. Now sometimes I go through elaborate rituals to fall asleep and I still can't. It's very frustrating and I know I am not getting enough sleep.
I will try to stick to more rigid sleeping and waking times. I will try to follow my bedtime / relaxation routine every night so that I can get in the habit of sleeping easily.
How do I feel about my weight? What changes will I make to love my body rather than fight with it? What are my goals?
I hate my weight. I am fatter than I have ever been and I really despise it. I especially despise my stomach, which is bloated and heavy and pregnant-looking. It's hard for me to make changes to love my body because I'm so ashamed of it. I will try to treat myself nicer. I will try to buy better-fitting clothes whenever I can (I've dressed like a slob for years because I don't know how to outfit this body). I want to not just lose weight but also tone my body and be strong. Fit. Energetic.
My Psychological and Social Goals
Am I anxious, depressed, or angry? Am I a glass half-full or half-empty person? What thoughts and beliefs keep me stuck? What will I do to find out the source of my feelings and be the person I want to be?
Anxious, yes. Often. Depressed, sometimes. Angry, more often lately than I'd like to be. About a lot of things I am a glass half-full person. I struggle most with my health, weight and self image though. I'd say the obstacles I listed above are largely what keep me stuck. I'm also concerned that the amount of insulin I am on is keeping me stuck at this weight. I will commit to journaling every day to work out my feelings, which I can then face head on and hopefully become the person I want to be.
What healing do I have to do in my relationships? What do I have to do to be a better child, partner, parent, friend, coworker, etc?
I need to tackle my own feelings and overcome the anxiety, the fear, the worry, the anger, the depression. I need to open myself up more and let the positives and the good shine through. I need to be more present... first in my own life so I can be more present for everyone else. I feel like I'm living in a fog a lot of the time now, with everyone. I don't want to experience all my relationships in a fog.
What is my relationship to work? How do I want to spend my time, energy, focus, skills, and talents?
I don't work right now. I don't have the energy or health to really work. I want to work for myself anyway. I want to write. I want to craft. I want to get the Not House started. I want to pursue my dreams. I need to get healthier and get my energy back so I can DO that.
Meaning and Purpose
What is important to me? What would I like to be my epitaph? What do I have to do to live up to that?
I pretty well covered the important to me stuff earlier. My epitaph? That's a tough one. I'd like it to be something kind of pithy. I'd be more concerned about my eulogy. I'd like to be eulogized well by people who loved me dearly. I'd like to be remembered as someone kind, creative, a bit kooky. Someone inspired by life, someone who loved the random and weird things around us. Someone who gave back, who gave as much of herself as she could to the people she loved, who stood up for what she believed in and fought for what she thought was right. Someone who always did the best she could to be a good person. A good mother, a good wife, a good friend.
To live up to that? Just keep trying the best I can. Never give up, never surrender. Keep learning. Keep reaching out to people. Persevere through the hard times. Work it out. Write it out. Share, and more than anything, LISTEN. Try to understand before seeking to be understood. Try to live by the Prayer of St. Francis, my favorite prayer:
- Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
- Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
- Where there is injury, pardon.
- Where there is doubt, faith.
- Where there is despair, hope.
- Where there is darkness, light.
- Where there is sadness, joy.
- O Divine Master,
- grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
- to be understood, as to understand;
- to be loved, as to love.
- For it is in giving that we receive.
- It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
- and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
- What are the 'someday I hope to' thoughts I have that I can make happen now?
- I can make better food choices. I can exercise every day. I can spend a little time each day being fully present with my children and my husband. I can spend time every day writing. I can work on organizing my house just a little bit more every day. I can try to love myself a little more every day.
- That's it! The rest of my steps for today. Phew. I don't think they're all going to be quite this long. This set was kind of exhausting. Cleansing though, too. Baring parts of my soul a little there!
