Lost At Meal Time - What's My New Normal?

Every week I sit down to make up a healthy meal plan (and following that, a grocery list for the week) and every single time, I feel SO. LOST.

It's the 'healthy' part that really gets me. Especially when I'm short on time or just not 'feeling' the meal-planning vibe. I'm diabetic, gluten free, and I'd dearly like to cut out all fillers, unpronounceable ingredients, and Monsanto / GMO foods. That is the goal I am for every week.

I have a basic meal 'outline' I follow when trying to put the meal plans together. It goes like this (still a work in progress):

breakfasts:

oatmeal

smoothies

eggs

lunches:

vegetarian ceviche

leftovers

soup

eggs

chips and salsa / nachos

dinners:

meat + two veggies

meat + veggie + starch

GF pasta or casserole

tacos

vegetarian?

snacks:

cashews

dark chocolate

ice cream cups

yogurt

fruit

chips and salsa

applesauce

apple and pb

clementine

banana

cheese stick

laughing cow and rice crackers

larabar

It's a good layout. Snacks are easy. Breakfast is ok. Oatmeal is easy but I miss cereal... but with my "no fillers, no GMO" plan I haven't found a good cereal that really works. I still buy cereals because my kids eat it and it's not a meal I've really managed to sway them over to the 'health' side yet. (I try to pick relatively healthy ones at least.) Lunch I struggle with mightily - I never want to eat it anyway, and nothing ever sounds good. I don't want to put a lot of work into lunch. 

Dinner is... easy in concept, not as easy in theory. The 'meat plus two sides' method is easy but I'd like to start eating less meat. It gets expensive. I'd like to find good vegetarian options that we will all enjoy and that will still be filling. 

The overall general plan is good. I continue to refine it but it mostly works and is mostly healthy. I sit down each week and the first thing I do is look at the sales papers and make a list of everything on sale that I might want to purchase for the week. The second step is SUPPOSED to be, then, to take the list of on-sale foods and make up a meal plan for the week. A SPECIFIC meal plan, with recipes and/or chosen foods - no generic 'meat' or 'fruit' or 'vegetable' items on the list. 

That's where the plan usually falls apart for me. I'm not sure why. I often end up with a half-assed plan and I go out, buy a lot of stuff on sale, and overbuy on snacks and things (making sure we're stocked each week with practically everything on the list above, when we don't NEED that many snacks each week). A lot of food ends up going to waste that way, and it also leads to overspending. Another goal is to eat on a budget because we really don't HAVE a lot of money to spend on food each month... and with us eating a lot of meat, fresher produce, and gluten-free foods (PLUS the other goals), we don't get to take advantage of most of the SUPER CHEAP foods on sale each week. I take comfort by reminding myself that we are increasing our health and it's worth the extra cost, but when money is tight you still feel the pinch and sometimes that 10 cent ramen (no matter how unhealthy) is awfully tempting.

I think I need a better database of recipes and meal plans that fit our health goals, for one. I went through a lot of recipe testing last summer when I was doing The Blood Sugar Solution. I found some foods to add to my staples list but overall I didn't find a lot of 'winner' recipes - quick, easy, delicious and SATISFYING. It's a lot of work to test new recipes, and it's a lot of work to even make a 'potential recipes' database, and it's very disheartening to be out of your element and not have a lot of 'staple' recipes to fall back on when you just need to throw a quick and easy dinner together.

The other thing that holds me back is I'm still fighting a lifetime of bad eating habits. Every time I go to my mom's house I'm reminded of how truly awful my nutritional meals background is. A veritable SEA of white everything. White breads, white pastas, sweets, frozen meals (Stouffers, Hot Pockets). I pretty much can't eat anything at my mom's house anymore. I miss those foods sometimes. My 'easy' meals, even with my own family, were things like: spaghetti with garlic bread. Hot dogs and beans. Macaroni and Cheese (yes, blue box mac and cheese, and I still love that chemically-laden slop).  Hot dogs and chips. Sloppy joes.

I can't eat any of that now, and while most of the time I don't really miss those specific foods... I still feel lost a lot of the time. It's hard to explain. Mostly it's a feeling like I don't really know what I'm doing, and I'm not terribly happy with it. It feels HARD. It still feels like a challenge. I was taught to cook as I grew up, and I've always loved cooking... but there's a part of me now that feels like I never learned how to cook, and I'm trying to learn a new skill while at the same time being limited to incredibly strict parameters. With these food restrictions, you go into the grocery store, and you pretty much have 5-6 aisles / sections in which you can shop. It feels very LIMITING to be surrounded by all that food and not be able to do anything with it, especially when it's food you've spent 30+ years eating.  To have it suddenly taken away - as I said in an earlier post, I've mourned the loss and I don't really feel like I'm still having grief over the foods I CAN'T eat, but I guess maybe I haven't come to terms with the foods I CAN eat. I am still trying new foods periodically... but I don't know what is EASY for me any more in terms of meals. I guess I haven't found my new normal.

What I find most of the time is that trying to do an entire week of meal plans makes me lose my mind. I still have to take it one or two days at a time. I hate this because I'm pretty sure I'm spending more money than I need to be (every time you go into the store you're tempted), and I know I'm spending way more time than I need to by hitting the grocery store multiple times a day.

My health is worth it. My family's health is worth it. I just wish I had figured it out more by now. 30+ years of eating habits being changed won't happen overnight. Just like weight loss won't happen overnight. Sometimes that's not terribly consoling

This post was brought to you by my frustration and anxiety as I try to put together a weekly meal plan yet again. :/

Fast, Cheap, And Easy

Except now I'm complicated, expensive, and full of beans.

Yesterday was one of those "run around all afternoon" days. The kids and I all had dental cleanings in the afternoon, and I had some errands to run. I was making soup for lunch in the Crock Pot and it wasn't ready before I had to leave, so I grabbed some baby carrots and a thing of applesauce and ran out the door. It was a sad lunch. (Oh yeah, I've decided to allow myself one apple or thing of applesauce each day. More on that in a future post.)

The kids and I *love* these GoGo squeeZ applesauces. They're all natural, just apples (and occasionally other fruits or spices depending on the flavor), no additives or sugar or anything. The thing I love is that they taste great! I've tried canned or jarred 'natural' applesauce and it always tastes funky or bitter. They aren't paying me to endorse it, I just love this stuff. My favorite is the apple cinnamon!

 Our dentist is on the north side of the city, an hour away. We loooove them and continue to go even though we moved to the suburbs seven years ago. They're great with us, great with the kids, full of pampering goodness... I'm somewhat dental-phobic; I have a lot of anxiety about having ANY sort of dental work done (not cleanings but anything that involves potential pain or injections in my gums FORGET IT). They're very understanding, give me massages and parrafin hand wax, give me lots of Valium AND let me have happy gas. I still have anxiety but part of me looks forward to those happy-hazy-woozy dental times too! So I'm willing to drive an hour to have great service.

Perfect Smile Dental Spa. They aren't paying me to endorse them either, I just love them that much! Ask for Irma, she's the best! (You can name-drop us if you go though, we do get a gift certificate!)

Another bonus of having a dentist on the north side of the city is that some of my friends live up there. My friend Sarah has people over most Tuesday nights so I took advantage of our dental visit and went to hang out at her place. OJ came up after work, hung out a bit, then took the kids home so they could get to bed on time. Me? I stayed at Sarah's until 2AM - COMPLETELY irresponsible! But fun! Hey, it happens rarely for me. I'll enjoy it when I can.

This meant, however, that I had a piss-poor lunch AND we all needed dinner on the go.
Also, it's the end of August, it was an EXPENSIVE month for us (basically we spent 20 days on vacation), and there's still some month left at the end of our money.
Thus far I've managed to go out and eat on this new diet by picking restaurants that have somewhat higher-quality foods and getting entrees like salmon, chicken, or steak with vegetables. Tasty but pricy. Of course if I'm out with the family, they eat where I eat, so then we're buying restaurant entrees for four. The cost adds up pretty quickly and we just couldn't afford to do it this time. I needed something cheap and easy.

I have no idea how to handle 'fast, cheap, on the go' food on this diet plan. Salads are out of the question for dinner (I can manage them for lunch) because they simply don't satisfy me. Perhaps when I've been eating this way for years instead of mere weeks, I will come to look at a salad as a meal and not something to be tolerated as a preface to a meal. Right now, while I'm working on it, I am nowhere NEAR that point. If I got a chicken salad, I'd eat the chicken, pick at a few of the lettuce leaves, and be unhappy and hungry all night long. And I heard rumors that chocolate cake was going to be visiting the gathering later in the evening. If I ate a grumpy, sad salad, I'm not sure if I'd be able to resist delicious cake later.

If you HAVE to do fast food, and you're extremely limited on food choices, what do you do? You can't eat wheat, sugar, dairy, starchy vegetables, fruit, or any other kind of grain. You're also not supposed to be eating processed food. At the same time, this is real life and not every day is going to be a perfect day. What are the best choices when you can't be 'perfect'?

Here's the choice I made. I decided to make sure I was avoiding gluten since I'm fairly certain I had a reaction to it earlier in this plan. We hit Taco Bell. I obviously skipped out on the 'no processed food' rule last night. I also allowed myself a grain (corn, in the tortilla chips) and dairy (cheese). I got Nachos BellGrande and Pintos N Cheese.

It was waaaaay more delicious than Taco Bell has any right to be.

I feel kind of crappy today but it feels more like the general "you stay up too late every night and then LAST night you didn't get home until 3AM and then you had to be up at 7:30 to get the kids to school so your sleep is ALLLL screwed up" crappy, not like the kinds of "you are sooo unhealthy you done gonna die" crappy I've felt earlier this year. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying Taco Bell is going to make its way back into my diet with any sort of regularity, but I don't think it was the worst occasional choice I could make either.

Yesterday's Blood Sugar Solution journal.

However, I AM curious as to what healthy options you choose at fast food restaurants when you have to go. What's the best choice you make (or would make), and why? What do you recommend? (At any of them, not just Taco Bell! McDonald's, Subway, Burger King, Long John Silver's... what else?)

How Do I REALLY Feel About My Diet?

Even though yesterday was my 'official' day one on the program, I've been pretty much following this diet for a while now. I started the two week prep part on Friday, August 3rd; that was fairly extreme, cutting out sugar, flour, alcohol, and caffeine.

I started following the food rules of the advanced plan on Tuesday August 14th; further cutting out all grains, fruit (except half a cup of berries a day), dairy, and starchy vegetables.

If you didn't know me well in person before this, here are some things you should know about me: For starters, I'm 33 years old, and I was raised on a fairly traditional Midwestern diet. Meat, potatoes, overcooked canned or frozen veggies, lots of breads. We drank pop pretty regularly. Sweets have been prevalent in my home from the time I was a kid, and I have always loved them. If I were to go to my mom's house right now and poke around for food (which all of us DO every time we go over there), I'd find:

• a counter with Twinkies, cookies, coffee cakes, white bread, brownies, fudge, probably some candy
• A freezer with several kinds of ice cream, frozen dinner's (Stouffer's and Hot Pockets), ice cream bars
• A fridge with lunchmeat, pop, milk, butter, cream cheese, American cheese, probably sliced cheese, leftovers (often meat and potatoes and a veggie), refrigerated Bob Evans mashed potatoes, instant puddings and jello desserts. On top of the fridge is a basket filled with potato chips, tortilla chips, cheetos.
• A cabinet next to the fridge with macaroni and cheese and white pasta
• A shelf with several kinds of crackers (Town House, Club Crackers), popcorn, instant microwaveable cakes and brownies, sugary oatmeals and breakfast cereals (Fruity Pebbles, Corn Pops), bags of marshmallows
• And a giant glass jar filled to the brim with chocolate, chocolate, chocolate - Hershey's, Reese's cups, Kit Kats, Baby Ruths

I don't know if it was exactly like that when I was growing up, but that's pretty much the setup it's been for years. Everyone likes visiting mom's house - it's full of goodies! It's hard for me to even go over there right now because it's really hard to resist those things. I was raised on them, and I really believe sugar and flour are very addicting. It's hard to change a habit as it is; it's even harder when your body is having physical reactions to the mere IDEA of putting those things in your mouth.

I mention all this to illustrate the fact that I was raised on lots of white, white, white foods. Processed foods. Flour and sugar. The very things that seem to be worst for my body right now.

So to have been on this incredibly restrictive diet for a good four weeks now, and to have another 6+ weeks staring me in the face - it's HARD. It would be hard for anyone... but it's REALLY hard for someone like me who suddenly can't eat ANY of the things that are habitual foods. I'm attempting to force my body to eat in a COMPLETELY different way from what it has known for all 33 years of its life. I've made small changes over the past decade; mostly adding in foods I knew were good for me, not as much taking out foods that I knew were bad for me. I got rid of pop years ago; I almost never touch the stuff. I've added in more vegetables to my dietary repertoire. I've experimented with whole wheat grains, pastas, and breads. But cutting out all of the things I DO eat? And doing it so suddenly? I've had a lot of unhappiness these past four weeks. I'll be honest - part of me HATES this diet. Part of me is really, desperately bitter about NOT being able to eat those foods. The logical side of me knows this is a much healthier, more sustainable diet. The emotional side of me is mostly placated by the knowledge that I FEEL so much better most of the time. I don't dwell on it most of the time. But I'm unhappy. I have cravings. They're not as bad as they were at first, but the people who said they go away after a few days? Obviously weren't really addicted, and obviously didn't have habits as bad as mine.

Here's my journal from yesterday.

 Breakfast is hard every day. I skipped breakfast for YEARS. When I became diabetic, adding in breakfast was one of the hardest things I had to do.  Forcing myself to eat in the mornings made me nauseous for almost two years, but I did it. I finally found something that worked reasonably well for me - a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and a glass of milk. I had that for breakfast for more than a year. Now I can't eat cereal. I hate oatmeal, but even if I liked it, I couldn't have it right now. My body, still not thrilled with the idea of breakfast in general, finally adjusted itself to the general idea of something sweetened with a dairy in the mornings. I can't have either of those things now. I like eggs, quite a bit, but a) I'm only supposed to eat a max of 8 eggs a week and b) I don't really DO eggs - or anything savory - for breakfast. I'm also not a morning person, which means I HATE cooking in the morning. I want an EASY, quick breakfast. I finally hit on a solution that is working pretty well, but it's still quite an adjustment.

Lunch has always been hard. I could very easily skip it now that I've had breakfast. I'd have the occasional sandwich... cheese quesadillas are big over here... or hot dogs, or franks n beans, or mac and cheese. Can't have any of those. I'm trying to eat soups and salads or leftovers now. I've never been a salad eater - leafy greens don't feel or taste like food to me. I really have to jazz them up with carrots and cukes and seeds and maybe some ham or turkey or a bit of hard boiled egg. I can't even have cheese or dressing. Soups and stews are fine EXCEPT I have to cook them, and sometimes they don't turn out very tasty (I need to build up my 'delicious meals' repertoire for this diet!! I'm working on it!) and then I'm just left feeling really unhappy with my diet again.

Snacks - another hard one. Berries are OK but they've never been my favorite fruit, and to be honest, I've always put sugar on them. I'm trying to eat them but they're much more tart than I'm used to and I'm mostly just unhappy while I'm eating them. Salsa and/or guacamole are delicious - but no chips. Eating it with veggies just isn't the same. I'm working on it. Hummus is good - but no pitas. Again with the veggies. I eat my sad carrot and cry on the inside.

Dinner - I DO like to cook (my problem with doing it for every meal is the sheer amount of TIME it takes up! And also how filthy my kitchen gets every day!). I've been going through my cookbooks and making lists of every recipe that fits this plan and categorizing them (dinner, side dish, lunch, etc). Before I go grocery shopping I put together a meal plan for the next few days from this recipe list. It's... kind of exhausting. SO MUCH PLANNING. There is no real easy 'grab and go' meal idea on this plan. Not unless I cooked it ahead, anyway. Some dinners have been very tasty. Others, not so much. Then I'm unhappy. And so are the kids. Last night's dinner? SUCKED. The chicken was OK. The vegetables - I'm not even sure if OJ liked them. The kids and I barely touched them.

Late night - I allow myself a Larabar, and sometimes a small bit of dark chocolate if I really feel like I need it. I look forward to that fucking Larabar ALL DAY. It's hard not to eat it earlier in the day. But if I don't end the day with something sweet I want to kill someone, and I will be looking for food all night then... and sometimes even after the Larabar I'm still craving something. Nights are hardest for me. I just want to eat and eat. Last night I gave in and made a plate of scrambled eggs. Still on the plan, so that's OK, but I REALLY wanted to sneak out after everyone went to bed and hit a drive through or something. I could TASTE Taco Bell's nacho cheese. I'm not kidding. If Taco Bell had been in my house I would have eaten everything they could give me.


So. In conclusion, I kind of hate this diet. I like the results I'm getting, and that's really the only thing that keeps me going. If I hadn't gotten so sick for so long, and didn't have that to compare my currently much healthier self to - I wouldn't be sticking to this diet. It's REALLY difficult. It's very extreme for someone coming from a food background like mine. I think the idea behind a lot of it is sound and the principles for eating for life are good but I think I might take a gentler approach if you're not as sick as me (though the Basic Plan isn't nearly as tough as this one is. I'd be MUCH happier if I could have rice, the occasional potato, or an apple, or banana). 

I'm not giving up. I'm just... trudging through with a sort of grim determination, is all. I think it's important to be honest and examine feelings. I'm laying this out there in case anyone else is trying this, or something like this, and hating it too and getting down on themselves about it. It's OK to feel your feelings. It's hard to make changes, especially when they're this extreme. Do the best you can. It's OK. Don't beat yourself up. I'm not. This is a long term change, over the course of your life, and a few negative feelings for a time aren't going to make or break your life. A few deviations from the plan won't either. Perserverance is the key to success. Even if it's done grimly. :)

Meal Plan This Week

I am smack-dab in the middle of this week already. It just sneaks up so quickly! We scraped together some money and hit the grocery store this week, so we have food in the house. As I believe I mentioned before, I'm trying to simplify eating each day with a lot of consistency... which means I'm trying to stick to the same basic breakfasts, lunches, and snacks each week. I'll work more on calories and quality of each meal as time goes on... for now, I'm mainly working on making the consistency part a habit.

BREAKFASTS

cereal (this week we have Honey Nut Cheerios, Kix, and Total Raisin Bran in the house)

oatmeal

LUNCHES

PB&J or leftovers

soup

SNACKS

fruit (this week we have apples and pears)

veggies (this week we have carrots and celery)

whatever healthy items are on sale that week (this week we have Nature Valley Granola Thins, Emerald Breakfast-On-The-Go packs, and fruit cups)

Wednesday 01/18/12

turkey soup (Alton Brown's Bird To The Last Drop recipe)

Thursday 01/19/12

garlic-balsamic pork tenderloin (this Kitchen Confidante recipe, which I found on Pinterest. It looks SOOOO GOOOOOD. Also, thanks go out to my mom for donating an extra pork tenderloin to us, or else we would not be having this wonderful meal!)

Friday 01/20/12

chicken adobo

Saturday 01/21/12

Cub Scouts Swim Party - it's a potluck / buffet thing, so we'll be eating there. (We're bringing bottled water.)

Sunday 01/22/12

roast chicken (they were buy one get one free at Jewel this week, so I have an extra one for next week in my freezer. I also get to make chicken stock out of their tasty carcasses, which will save me money too, as I cook with stock a lot!)

Monday 01/23/12

chicken sandwiches (hooray for leftovers, lol)

Quick Fix Fish

I posted tonight's dinner recipe on SparkRecipes; you can find it here if you are interested. It's still baking so I haven't tried it yet. The original recipe came out of the book What To Eat When You're Expecting; I modified it based on the ingredients we had on hand.

After dinner, using a 5-star scale where
1 = hated it
2 = didn't like it
3 = it was OK
4 = liked it
5 = loved it

We rated it as follows:
Husband - 3
Me - 3
7 year old son - 4
5 year old daughter - 2

Bear in mind that none of us are crazy about mustard. I wanted to try out the French's Dijon Mustard with Chardonnay that I got for free at a cooking show once, to see if it was milder and/or if we would like it better. Obviously we didn't mind it but mustard is still not our favorite thing.

Quick Tilapia

Submitted by: ILWITCHGRRL

Minutes to Prepare: 5

Minutes to Cook: 15

Number of Servings: 4

Tips

Cooking time will vary depending on whether you use fresh or frozen fillets as well as how thick the fillets are.

Ingredients

4-8 Tilapia fillets, equaling 12 total ounces 2 TBSP Mayonnaise 1/4 cup Dijon or Grainy Mustard 1.5 tsp dried marjoram 1 cup white wine (2 TBSP set aside) salt and pepper to taste

Directions

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Mix the mayo, mustard, 2 T of wine, and half the marjoram together in a small bowl.
Arrange the fish fillets in a single layer in a nonstick baking dish. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Spread the mustard mixture over the fillets and sprinkle on the remaining marjoram. Pour the remainder of the wine around the fish.
Bake until the fish is lightly browned and flakes with a fork, 15-25 minutes.

Serving Size: Makes 4 3-ounce servings.

Number of Servings: 4

Nutritional Info

• Servings Per Recipe: 4
• Amount Per Serving
• Calories: 218.2

• Total Fat: 7.7 g
• Cholesterol: 51.8 mg
• Sodium: 613.4 mg
• Total Carbs: 0.7 g
• Dietary Fiber: 0.1 g
• Protein: 20.5 g